i was happy?...we were happy...we were together ..at last....him,me...
i was sitting on my balcony...my feet were dangling far far above the solid ground...my mind was filled of thoughts..i hated the feeling..i hated it...i felt loved..betraded..hate..angry..kind..eveything..i was so confused..i hate this feeling...everthing came to me all at once..i want to die..i felt like i wanted to rip my own heart out..i wanted to scream..i did...i screamed at this god-forsaken place.....for a moment..i stopped..something came over me..i looked up...the sky..the sun, it was setting..it was..it was..it was just to be.......everything erased from my mind...i thought nothing..i felt nothing..i loved that feeling...i watched the sunset..i watched in silence..than as i felt better..the sky dissapear..i was left alone once more in the dark..the sky was pitch back..and only one single star shined..a small shine......and once more that hatefull feeling came to me again..everything hit me all once...i thought to my self. .i will not be apart of this place no more....i couldnt stand it no more..i give up, i screamed.....i looked down..the ground seemed soo far away...i took once last look at the black sky..i closed my eyes and let go...i finally let go....i was dying?...no ...i was floating???...no..i was being held back...by something..no someone..i didnt care who it was...fuck god, fuck who was holding me back..i pulled..he had a steady grip...i yelled..let me go..just let me be....he pulled me away..he held me..held me close to him..i felt his heart beat....than he look at me..i stared at him..into his eyes..hes eyes captured me...he was looking deep with in me..like he knew how i felt......i love him...i love him??...how could this be?..i dont even know him..but yet i felt i did..and yet for years......he looked at me ane said no....i said nothing...he held me close to him..like as if i was a lost kitten he found and wanted to bring back to life...i was puzzled....i cant recall who this guy was...he looked yet so clearly to me..but his just a blurr...who was he?..y did i have this lust for him??.....he held me..i listened to his heart beat..i listened to the words that came out of his mouth...as i cryed in silence..he told me reasons for me to stay...reasons for me to be...reasons for us....did he mean me and him??...he looked down at me and asked y?....y did u try?....i looked up at him..i said nothing...than i asked y ?..y would he like..no love someone like me..I dont even like ME.....he said nothing...just looked at me with his eyes and smiled.........i sat on my bacony..dangling my feet..he held on to me..i held on to him......and the sunset yet once more......
