Even though I'm not married, I have a wife. I'm not sure what she looks like, but her hair sure is ugly. She doesn't look at me directly in the eye, and I avoid looking at her face. I hate her. And I make no secret about it. I tell her to get away from me because she makes me sick. She looks kind of like a homeless person and she might be, I'm not sure.
Suddenly, I'm in public with my wife. Her hair is brown like mouse fur. She stinks like dust. She never says anything, but I can tell she hates me too. I'm embarrassed to be in front of all of these people with my wife. They're not just a bunch of people, though, they're everyone I've ever known, except now, they're criminals and prisoners and rapists and baseball players. They're looking at me and they're telling me how bad it is to have a wife like mine.
I grab her and slap her. I hate this woman. And I hate it that I have to be with her. She is embarrassing me in front of all of these criminals. I slap her again, harder. I look at everyone around me. They are looking, curious but hesitating.
"If any of you don't like what I just did, come right over here." I say.
None of them move. I guess that they liked what I just did.
