The first part of the dream had me buying a Radioactive Man #1 comic book from an annoying fourteen year-old chick I know from an online auction site. I paid her fifteen dollars for it, but when I got it home, I realized it was ripped up. I asked her to come to my house so we could work out a deal.
When I saw her, I told her I wanted a full refund. She gave me back eight dollars, but she insisted on keeping the other seven for herself. I told her that wasn't fair, and I said I'd wrestle her for the money.
So we went at it on my living room floor. I felt no remorse for putting the girl in a headlock and repeatedly punching her in the face. Somehow I knew our violence was really cartoonish and that neither of us would be physically hurt.
I'm not sure if I ever got the money back. The next thing I knew, I was standing at my kitchen sink, looking out the window (it was overcast), and washing old toys with soap and water. I was standing next to a girl I'd never seen before, yet I was discussing all sorts of relationship problems with her.
Dreams never have smooth transitions, do they?
Next, I was Christmas shopping at a seven-story mall. Each floor was doughnut-shaped, thus creating a seven-story atrium in the center of the mall. I took the escalator to the top floor of the mall, which was occupied entirely by KB Toys. A non-tacky KB Toys, I might add. Instead of the usual brightly-colored carpet and gaudy fluorescent lights, the toy store had dim, soothing lighting, neutral-toned carpet, brass display racks for the toys, and classical music playing in the background. Kids were allowed to play with the toys on the floor, though a lot of the kids were playing roughly, and the toys were falling through the railing and down seven stories to the bottom floor of the mall. Christmas shoppers on the first floor were being hit by blocks and balls and Furbies.
The middle three floors of the mall were occupied by a Super Wal-Mart, the best store in the whole world. I met my dad on one Wal-Mart floor, and he explained how the food was on one floor, the clothes were on another, and the appliances were on another. I went straight to the food floor. Cheap food is good.
Once again, bright lights and bad music were replaced by classiness. Even in the dim lighting of the Wal-Mart grocery store, I could see that the frozen food section was better that anything I could have hoped for. With classical music playing around me, I filled up my cart with all sorts of vegetarian frozen dinners. When I came to the Stouffer's section, I saw that Wal-Mart stocked every frozen dinner they'd ever made. There was an ad displayed for a new frozen dinner: Stouffer's Broccoli Spears Dinner. Coming soon!
Of course, the one dinner I *did* want, Veggie Lasagna, was pretty much out of stock. There was only one box left, and the carton looked pretty damaged. I decided to pass.
After that, I somehow knew to go to the sixth floor of the mall, which was supposed to be the furniture floor. I found my friend Emily waiting there for me. She explained that she and I and our boyfriends were going to be sleeping there tonight. I was about to remind Emily that lately she has preferred sleeping around to having serious boyfriends, but I decided against it.
The room was dark, but I could see the two largest things in it: a giant box of Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese, and a giant box of Stouffer's Veggie Lasagna. Emily opened the mac and cheese box and removed the black plastic tray. It was warm.
She took off the plastic film cover and then hopped into the black tray, immersed in the huge vat of noodles and liquid cheese.
"Get in," she said to me.
"Huh?" I said.
"This is where we're sleeping tonight."
"But I thought Chris and I were going to be sharing a bed."
"I'll pretend to be Chris," Emily said.
I looked at her wallowing in the mac and cheese, and then I looked down at myself. I was wearing my favorite corduroy pants, and I didn't want them to be caked with processed cheese.
